Dearest Beloved,
I never distrusted myself more than when you shifted and started discarding me. I’ve only really started seeing the truth of it all now.
Sure, one could argue that I couldn’t have got to such a dark place again if it wasn’t already within me, but you were supposed to be my safe place. You promised to be my safe place.
You dropped me in your lies and I believed you.
However, I’m not entirely innocent; you see, I enmeshed you into my own vision, so I brought it on myself. I may have called you in… but you physically manifested me, so you are also far from innocent in this dear one.
I am so deeply sorry for abandoning myself for you and I am in solace to myself above all else.
Even when I fell before it was not to the degree you brought me to – I had not known a darkness like that prior… Yet now I do and I wish I could un-know it.
Had I not already been handed enough destruction? I am sorry you are in so much internal pain, you didn’t deserve it; but I certainly didn’t deserve to have it thrust upon me in retaliation because you got comfortable with someone other than your Mother. I stand in that statement for what I thrust upon you too, but I was grieving – in shock – crumbling and reaching for support.
Alas, you watched me sob in this twisted stoic pleasure – as if you were almost satisfied with my puddled confusion and attempts to understand, be seen, recognized, and to connect… that’s all it was while I was hurt.
So, behold me now: I’m still here.
I am a remarkable Being, a phenomenal woman. I survived when all around me died and I did MORE than survive, I am thriving again. I’ve lived alone and feral in the Heart of Nature herself, but I was never truly alone.
I used to wonder why the wolves never hunted and the bears avoided me. Why I never succumbed to illness or have felt ill to rotten food or stagnant water since slowly beginning to eliminate you from my life; and how even in the depths of winter I have since never developed sickness. I have since never been short of food – never went hungry, never slipped into poverty, never even broke a bone or chipped a tooth.
As plagues devastate the world, I remain unscathed.
Truly, I live a charmed life without you because I accepted what you are as part of myself. In that you have been completely dissolved in the Light that I AM and WE ARE together.
If enemies come in search of me, they become lost. If trappers or traitors ever hunt me for reward again, they come to sudden and mysterious ends.
Death has always protected me, has been my Shadow, my Guardian. I’ve been kept safe and divinely protected because I am needed. I am of value. People need me today, just as I have always wanted to be needed.
Being abandoned and orphaned as a child, being left alone for years to run wild should have made me selfish, greedy, and perhaps even a little mad; and yet I am none of those things. It is a testament to my courage, my strength of will, my integrity; when I have food to spare, I share it, even when I had little enough for myself.
I care for others in ways that I, myself, have never been cared for; I keep coming back to this Realm simply so that I have more time to help those that need it. It has been subtle until now because for too long I have hidden my passion for justice behind an uncaring facade. Few know who I actually AM and those who do assume that I am only interested in myself.
Even you, who thinks he knows me better than anyone alive, knows absolutely nothing about me.
He does not know the reality of my energy signature – he made sure to try and destroy her before she had a chance.
Thank you for the lessons; may you heal and return to innocence so your Light too can impact those who need it, or be consumed by your own Inverted Truth…
After all, it is ultimately your choice.
May Eternal Love and Infinite Peace Be with You Always